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My greatest weakness is that I absolutely cannot just shut the fuck up.

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“Y’all” is a superior plural pronoun. “Ain’t” is a perfectly good contraction. “Reckon” is a fantastic verb for describing when you are of an opinion. “Yonder” is the only word to describe that way over there.

had a dream where i was faced by a bunch of foes, and said some dbz power levels nonsense about how only two of them actually stood a chance at defeating me, and then one of the others was like, “hey man, that’s just a fucked up way to talk to people. like it might be true, but we’re still people, you know?” reader, i destroyed him.

when guys from the 50s called each other "cats" it was because they were furries

*trying to boost a toot* whoop the mouse slipped whoep the keyboard fell out the window we're 5 stories up oh that poor keyboard oh god it was connected to the computer let go let go

conservatives: public transit is too expensive how do we pay for it???

me: reduce the road budget and charge tariffs for road usage to induce demand for public transit to make it more cost efficient?

conservatives: still too expensive!!

me: well you could also reduce costs by restructuring the economy so millions of people dont have to commute to a pointless jobs several miles away

conservatives: * sweating *

when i was younger, a lot more toddlers fell down wells. it was a national epidemic. well safety has really come a long way, so we can be grateful for that at least

meta 

Gonna start some new conspiracy theories because there are a surprising lack of good ones so here we go:

- Fake Electricity
- Cell Phone Radiation Superpowers
- Dark Side of the Moon CIA Colony
- Toenail Decalcification

"'Power Lines' are just electric eels that have been run through the extruder mate"

Whenever someone likes a post I hate, I narrow my eyes and I write their names in The Book

filling my tub with rich soil and gently placing worms in there to keep as pets

The light turns red and klaxons begin blaring. An engineer bursts in, hair mussed, sweat stains on his shirt, a panicked expression on his face, “Engagements are way down! We’re going critical!”

I calmly turn to my computer and begin typing.

Piss and shidd and fardd
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The klaxon stops and the engineer breathes a sigh of relief. We’ll make it another day.

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LASERDISC 💿 PARTY

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